The Story of the Gender-Confused Cat

I would like to tell you all about my sister's cat, Milo. Milo is not your typical orange tabby cat. Milo has severe gender identity issues that stem back to its days as a kitten. You see, when my two sisters talked my Mom into letting them get Milo they did so on the pet store's word that Milo was a boy. My Mom didn't want them to get a girl cat because she didn't want to get it fixed and she didn't want to deal with it having kittens. "Oh sure, this one's a boy," the pet store associate told my sister. "See, you can tell."

The problem is not everyone in this world is aware of what makes a cat a boy and what makes a cat a girl. Turns out Milo is a girl. They were all able to conceal it from my Mom for the first two years. Then mysteriously Milo became pregnant. My sisters used the same explanation that Jeff Goldblum used in Jurassic Park for the dinosaurs reproducing in the wild. "Well, he used to be a boy Mom!" they told her. "It's just nature's way of saying life will find a way!"

As you can imagine, Milo has suffered through a very confusing life. To make matters worse, Milo was a terrible mother. She allowed her first batch of kittens to be eaten by a dog. Well, maybe she didn't allow it, but it did happen. Milo still freaks out whenever she hears the sound of a baby kitten. Part from the trauma of losing a litter, part from the trauma of having a litter when you aren't supposed to.

This isn't the only ordeal Milo has been through. A few years later my Mom decided she needed to get Milo fixed. She took Milo into the vet to get the procedure taken care of only to discover Milo had already been fixed. Turns out our crazy neighbor didn't agree with a boy cat having kittens. She did the only thing she thought would stop the problem. She took Milo to the vet and had her fixed...and didn't tell anyone about it! So Milo has been fixed twice...and counting!

My sisters think Milo is great. Milo doesn't know what to think. They will take pictures of Milo with a ribbon and a bow and then turn around and take a picture of her with a necktie on. My brother and I have long been in support of giving Milo the recognition she deserves. She deserves to be recognized as a girl. I am sure all of you who have read this tale would agree. After all, it can be very confusing to have a name that suggests you are one gender when you are really another. We came up with the solution to re-name the cat Beverly, in tribute to the great author Beverly Cleary. If Beverly Cleary doesn't scream feminine, I don't know what does. Unfortunately, our pleas have gone on deaf ears and the cat remains known as Milo. A sad story for a sad creature.