There is no such thing as a free lunch

Sometime ago, I went on an ambitious adventure with a very good friend of mine, Major Undeclared. While we were roommates attending Utah Valley State College we were told legendary stories from our friend Bourne.

Bourne's grandfather, Lamar, lived some 90 miles north in Logan. According to Bourne, Lamar was a bit of an eccentric. Among his odd behaviors were painting his driveway purple and driving from his home to Layton, Utah everyday to meet up with his twin brother, DeArr, for lunch at the Golden Corral. In fact, we were told if we were if we were to ever drop in Lamar's home around midday he would most certainly take us their for lunch.

A few years later Major and myself found ourselves attending Utah State University, not too far from Lamar's house. Now I will have you know neither one of us is particularly fond of the Golden Corral. Let's be honest here, it's not the greatest food in the world. That said, my first rule is never turn down a free lunch, plus I have to admit few things appeal to me as much as being able to eat as much as I want until I am full.

One day Major and I were particularly hungry. I know many of you are thinking it is pretty low to hit up an old man for a free lunch. Especially since neither one of us had ever met him in our lives. You have to look at it from our point of view though, and that is we were HUNGRY! Not to mention we were college students. Of course we were going to try it!

I will never forget when we parked our car in the church parking lot near his house. A strange feeling of anxiety overcame both of us. Perhaps it was a tinge of guilt. Rather, it could have been not exactly knowing what to say to an old man who had no idea who either of us was. Bourne told us many times he would just invite us straight in, but we were still a bit skeptical. Finally, we got up the courage to knock. Slowly the door answered and there stood Lamar with a bewildered look on his face. We told him we knew Bourne and he smiled and invited us right in.

We went in to find a typical home of a senior citizen. He had pictures of his family all around the room and a collection of some of his art work he had produced throughout the course of his life. He seemed like a nice man, perhaps a little eccentric, but then again aren't we all? He told us all about his boyhood adventures he would share with DeArr. It was easy to see the similarities between the two of them and me and Major. I wondered if he had ever randomly visited a friend's grandfather to try and get a free lunch.

After 45 minutes it became apparent to the both of us that we weren't going to get a free lunch. But that didn't matter, we both kind of felt like we had done a good thing in spending some time with a lonely old man. Then on our way out the door he said, "Next time you stop by I will take you guys to lunch!"

Wow! Our efforts could have actually brought some fruit. "What do you think," Major asked. "Do we go back?" Of course we both knew we had to do it. We had to finish our quest. It wasn't going to be easy, the first visit had taken a lot out of both of us.

A few weeks later we made our return visit to Lamar's. Again, we sat on his couch and listened to his war stories for another 45 minutes. It was becoming very obvious we weren't going to get our lunch. We even began dropping some very shameless hints that it was getting close to lunch time and we were getting hungry.

Finally we gave up our dream. We were both pretty devastated. What more could we have done? Needless to say we were none too thrilled with Bourne. In a matter of two weeks we had visited his grandfather more times than Bourne had in five years and had a lot less lunch to show for it.

Some years later we finally found ourselves eating lunch at the Golden Corral, but this was on our own accord. It was the only way we could put the situation behind us. And to be honest, I have never had a more therapeutic meal in my entire life. It probably won't be the last time either. I am sure the day will soon come when me and Major meet up every day to eat lunch there. After all, it seems to be part of the great circle of life.