I Want You to Make Some Friends This Summer....Lots of Them!

Social networking. It seems like overnight this radical new sensation has popped its head into all of our lives. Whether it be through Facebook, Twitter, or Myspace chances are you or someone you know is hooked on social networking. Ok, so I was kidding about Myspace. Who on earth uses Myspace?

Social Networking has truly revolutionized the way people interact with each other. Pretty soon things like email and calling friends on the telephone will be a thing of the past. Who needs to do something so personal when you can just look up their information on Facebook? Or you can just get a twitter message sent to your phone. That way you can know that Joe is at the grocery store buying milk and you won't even have to hear about Sue and the kids.

Someone recently told me they were Facebook holdouts until they were told Facebook is like People magazine, except with people you know. Sign me up! One of my favorite features about facebook is how it says right on your page how many friends you have. Someone found a way to stay popular when they got out of high school. "I am so much cooler than you because I have 459 friends and you only have 221." Nevermind that most of those friends are people they will never talk to again. It is all about the social status attached with the number.

It is for that reason you can never turn down a friend request. Just the other day a girl I have never met in my life requested me to be a friend. I thought to myself, "Sure, why not? Who could say no to a friend?" I clicked the accept button and I had just made a new "friend". The thought never entered my mind that this person would actually want to interact with me. A few hours later I had a note posted to my wall that read, "Charles, you are one hunk of a man. Here is my email address....Kiss."

Now, I would like to consider myself a fairly open person. I am not opposed to making new friends. However, when someone tries to get me to show p.d.a. on the internet they have crossed the line! Fortunately, on Facebook you have the option of removing such posts from your wall, which i quickly did. I mean, I don't want all of my friends thinking I am kissing people I don't even know.

When I told this story to my Mom*, she responded, "Well, why did you accept her friend request?" I was flabbergasted. Say no to a friend request? Was she out of her mind? Perhaps she doesn't realize we are in the age when saying no to a friend isn't an option. Not when everyone in the world can see how many friends you have.

I mean, I hadn't said no to someone wanting to be my friend since...Oh, that was a dark day. I still think about it often. I was back in high school then. Those were the days when bowl cuts were cool and Chumbawumba was still Tubthumping the night away.

In my high school there was two possible times during the day when you were assigned to eat lunch. They brilliantly labeled them as first and second lunch. My friend Nick and I were the only ones of our group of friends who had first lunch. One day, Nick was in line getting food at Taco Bell while I waited at the table with the lunch my Mom made me. Just when I was about to bite into a delicious peanut butter sandwich I was approached by two kids. They asked me if they could sit by me. I remember thinking to myself, "They think I am sitting here all by myself because I am a loser and I don't have any friends!" I didn't know how to react. I didn't really want to sit with them, but how do you get out of the situation? Well, I'll tell you how. You say no. That's what I did. They both had an astonished look on their faces as if they had reached an all time low. I mean, to be rejected by someone with apparently no friends is very degrading... And before you start judging me, I felt really bad about saying no. It was just a knee jerk reaction. If I could do it all over again I would let them sit with me.

Those days have long since passed, though. Now you don't have the luxury of saying no to someone who wants to be your friend. It's a dog eat dog world and if you don't have enough friends on Facebook to back you up, you will sooner or later get eaten.

*Yes, the great Charles DeMarr still talks to his mom.

An Ode to Bourbon

Every so often an invention or idea is presented to mankind that changes the way society functions. These things don't come along often, but when they do their impacts are undeniable.

Imagine what life was like prior to the 1440's when Gutenberg invented the printing press. The masses were largely uneducated and the transfer of information was extremely time consuming.

Think about growing up before Alexander Graham Bell invented the first practical telephone. How revolutionary it must have been to be able to talk to someone in a different town as if they were in the same room.

Recently another creation of that magnitude has come to the forefront of humanity. Of course I am talking about the Kentucky Bourbon Burger from Carl's Jr. If you have yet to experience this wondrous feast, you simply must do so.

Never before has a fast food establishment created something so delicious. It has moved Carl's Jr. ahead of McDonald's, Burger King, and dare I say even Wendy's in the realm of the fast food empire.

I will never forget my first experience trying the Kentucky Bourbon Burger. I had seen several of the commercials. Despite Carl's Jr's less than appealing advertising I thought it would be worth trying. I had grossly underestimated what I was getting into. My first couple of bites were filled with uncertainty. The taste was so unique I wasn't sure how to respond. A few more bites and I was starting to understand it's brilliance. Finally, after I had swallowed the last bite I knew I had just eaten a masterpiece.

Sadly, one of the things separating the Kentucky Bourbon Burger from some of these other innovations is it will only be available to us for a limited time. What would it have been like if Philo T. Farnsworth had finished working on the television and never did anything with it. I can picture someone asking him if he was going to try to get the television distributed to mass audiences and him replying, "Nah, it's not that cool. Now who wants to go bowling?"

Nevertheless, the demise of the Kentucky Bourbon Burger seems to be unavoidable. I have spent the past few weeks preparing for my season of discontent much like a squirrel prepares for winter by gathering acorns. I can't even tell you how many times I have checked my mailbox hoping to get coupons from Carl's Jr. only to reach in and find disappointment. Yet, I continue to eat there, because if the winter is inevitable I must be ready when it hits. For when the Kentucky Bourbon Burger leaves Carl's Jr. for good, so do I.

Bucks Aquire Eliason in Fan Swap

Logan, Utah- The Milwaukee Bucks acquired longtime Utah Jazz fan Kendell Eliason Tuesday in exchange for Bucks fan Peter Robert Casey and future considerations.

Eliason had been a Jazz fan since 1993 and was part of the fan base during the team's only two NBA Finals appearances in 1997 and 1998. He also spent time as a Phoenix Suns fan.

The Jazz had been shopping Eliason for the past month after the team's general manager, Kevin O'Conner, had announced the team's intention to rebuild the fan base for the future.

"We feel this is a move that will help us build for tomorrow," O'Conner said. "Obviously we are sad to see Kendell go, but ultimately it was time for both of us to move in different directions."

O'Conner said the Jazz will release Casey, who was included in the deal to make salaries match up.

"The bottom line is we didn't think we could afford to keep Kendell with us for what he was asking," O'Conner said. "He wanted his cake and he wanted to eat it too."

Eliason made no secret about his desire to remain with the Jazz. He said he will be leaving a lot of fond memories of being a Jazz fan behind.

"I have had some great times cheering for Utah and I would have loved to have been a Jazz fan for life," Eliason said. "I guess it wasn't meant to work out that way though."

The Bucks hope Eliason will provide them with the fan experience to reach the Eastern Conference playoffs this spring.

"I think I have the opportunity to be part of something special with Milwaukee," Eliason said. "Anytime you have guys like Andrew Bogut and Richard Jefferson on a team there is going to be a reason for me to cheer."

The Brave One

I just wanted to send a special shout out to my roommate Brave Kendell, for today is his birthing day. It should be noted how Kendell was the world's first Atlanta Braves baseball supporter. Back in the day the Braves were a terrible franchise. They had Dale Murphy, and not a whole lot else. People used to mock Kendell for supporting such a pathetic team. He was the only one who dared to cheer for them. That is why they call him Brave Kendell. Plus, he is also very good at killing spiders. Thank you Brave Kendell for all that you do. Especially for your braveness.

A quick side note, Brave Kendell happens to be really good friends with Dryden Mitchell, the lead singer for the group Alien Ant Farm, and also the channel 5 weather man. Sometimes they like to go to the mall together. They also love going to the movies. It is quite the special thing. Happy birthday Brave Kendell!!!

There is no such thing as a free lunch

Sometime ago, I went on an ambitious adventure with a very good friend of mine, Major Undeclared. While we were roommates attending Utah Valley State College we were told legendary stories from our friend Bourne.

Bourne's grandfather, Lamar, lived some 90 miles north in Logan. According to Bourne, Lamar was a bit of an eccentric. Among his odd behaviors were painting his driveway purple and driving from his home to Layton, Utah everyday to meet up with his twin brother, DeArr, for lunch at the Golden Corral. In fact, we were told if we were if we were to ever drop in Lamar's home around midday he would most certainly take us their for lunch.

A few years later Major and myself found ourselves attending Utah State University, not too far from Lamar's house. Now I will have you know neither one of us is particularly fond of the Golden Corral. Let's be honest here, it's not the greatest food in the world. That said, my first rule is never turn down a free lunch, plus I have to admit few things appeal to me as much as being able to eat as much as I want until I am full.

One day Major and I were particularly hungry. I know many of you are thinking it is pretty low to hit up an old man for a free lunch. Especially since neither one of us had ever met him in our lives. You have to look at it from our point of view though, and that is we were HUNGRY! Not to mention we were college students. Of course we were going to try it!

I will never forget when we parked our car in the church parking lot near his house. A strange feeling of anxiety overcame both of us. Perhaps it was a tinge of guilt. Rather, it could have been not exactly knowing what to say to an old man who had no idea who either of us was. Bourne told us many times he would just invite us straight in, but we were still a bit skeptical. Finally, we got up the courage to knock. Slowly the door answered and there stood Lamar with a bewildered look on his face. We told him we knew Bourne and he smiled and invited us right in.

We went in to find a typical home of a senior citizen. He had pictures of his family all around the room and a collection of some of his art work he had produced throughout the course of his life. He seemed like a nice man, perhaps a little eccentric, but then again aren't we all? He told us all about his boyhood adventures he would share with DeArr. It was easy to see the similarities between the two of them and me and Major. I wondered if he had ever randomly visited a friend's grandfather to try and get a free lunch.

After 45 minutes it became apparent to the both of us that we weren't going to get a free lunch. But that didn't matter, we both kind of felt like we had done a good thing in spending some time with a lonely old man. Then on our way out the door he said, "Next time you stop by I will take you guys to lunch!"

Wow! Our efforts could have actually brought some fruit. "What do you think," Major asked. "Do we go back?" Of course we both knew we had to do it. We had to finish our quest. It wasn't going to be easy, the first visit had taken a lot out of both of us.

A few weeks later we made our return visit to Lamar's. Again, we sat on his couch and listened to his war stories for another 45 minutes. It was becoming very obvious we weren't going to get our lunch. We even began dropping some very shameless hints that it was getting close to lunch time and we were getting hungry.

Finally we gave up our dream. We were both pretty devastated. What more could we have done? Needless to say we were none too thrilled with Bourne. In a matter of two weeks we had visited his grandfather more times than Bourne had in five years and had a lot less lunch to show for it.

Some years later we finally found ourselves eating lunch at the Golden Corral, but this was on our own accord. It was the only way we could put the situation behind us. And to be honest, I have never had a more therapeutic meal in my entire life. It probably won't be the last time either. I am sure the day will soon come when me and Major meet up every day to eat lunch there. After all, it seems to be part of the great circle of life.

From Henceforth you Shall be Known as Darth Bombay

From time to time I like to reflect on some of the paramount moments of my early childhood. It seems whenever I do this a certain movie is often pushed to the forefront of my memories. I am certain it is a film that has touched the lives of all those who have seen it. Of course I am referring to the Mighty Ducks. Even as you, the reader, examine these words you are thinking of the feelings you experienced the first time you witnessed the "flying v".

But what really made this motion picture so epic? I don't think anyone could argue it is because of the development of one of the truly great hero/villains in cinematic history. Gordon Bombay is a twisted wreck of a human being who finds peace in teaching children how to fly.

At first, he is someone who turns to career success and alcohol to compensate for the lack of love in his life. Even when Gordon is at his absolute lowest point it is easy to see that there is still good in him. The thing that makes him so powerful is his ability to overcome his demons and still teach some underprivileged children the meaning of teamwork and a sense of accomplishment.

The question of what made Gordon stray forever lingers in my mind. How could a child who was deemed the chosen one of Minnesota Pee-Wee hockey turn to the dark side of life? Disney provides snippets of background to this fabulous story, but so much more could be developed. A prequel to the Mighty Ducks is a necessary step to allow all of Gordon's fans the peace they deserve in knowing his illustrious tale.

I urge the kind people at Walt Disney to consider this potential masterpiece. The Mighty Ducks: Episode I, the Phantom Mallard could be a budding success. Mine is not a lone voice, for there is a group continuously garnering support for this brilliant idea. Please seek out this group, for it has the means of changing the world. If your desires are pure go to this link: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=22674410879

Let your voice be heard! Quack! Quack! Quack!

The Story of the Gender-Confused Cat

I would like to tell you all about my sister's cat, Milo. Milo is not your typical orange tabby cat. Milo has severe gender identity issues that stem back to its days as a kitten. You see, when my two sisters talked my Mom into letting them get Milo they did so on the pet store's word that Milo was a boy. My Mom didn't want them to get a girl cat because she didn't want to get it fixed and she didn't want to deal with it having kittens. "Oh sure, this one's a boy," the pet store associate told my sister. "See, you can tell."

The problem is not everyone in this world is aware of what makes a cat a boy and what makes a cat a girl. Turns out Milo is a girl. They were all able to conceal it from my Mom for the first two years. Then mysteriously Milo became pregnant. My sisters used the same explanation that Jeff Goldblum used in Jurassic Park for the dinosaurs reproducing in the wild. "Well, he used to be a boy Mom!" they told her. "It's just nature's way of saying life will find a way!"

As you can imagine, Milo has suffered through a very confusing life. To make matters worse, Milo was a terrible mother. She allowed her first batch of kittens to be eaten by a dog. Well, maybe she didn't allow it, but it did happen. Milo still freaks out whenever she hears the sound of a baby kitten. Part from the trauma of losing a litter, part from the trauma of having a litter when you aren't supposed to.

This isn't the only ordeal Milo has been through. A few years later my Mom decided she needed to get Milo fixed. She took Milo into the vet to get the procedure taken care of only to discover Milo had already been fixed. Turns out our crazy neighbor didn't agree with a boy cat having kittens. She did the only thing she thought would stop the problem. She took Milo to the vet and had her fixed...and didn't tell anyone about it! So Milo has been fixed twice...and counting!

My sisters think Milo is great. Milo doesn't know what to think. They will take pictures of Milo with a ribbon and a bow and then turn around and take a picture of her with a necktie on. My brother and I have long been in support of giving Milo the recognition she deserves. She deserves to be recognized as a girl. I am sure all of you who have read this tale would agree. After all, it can be very confusing to have a name that suggests you are one gender when you are really another. We came up with the solution to re-name the cat Beverly, in tribute to the great author Beverly Cleary. If Beverly Cleary doesn't scream feminine, I don't know what does. Unfortunately, our pleas have gone on deaf ears and the cat remains known as Milo. A sad story for a sad creature.